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Ross: Hey! Oh, I'm so glad you guys are here. I've been dying to tell someone what happened in the Paleontology departement today. Joey: (to Rachel) Do you think he saw us or can we still sneak out? Ross: Professor Neuman, the head of the departement is retiring, so... Rachel: They made you head of the departement! Ross: No, I get to teach one of his advanced classes! (Pause) Why didn't I get head of the department? (Goes and gets some coffee.) Joey: Oh! Hey Rach, listen umm... Rachel: Yeah. Joey: I got a big date coming up, do you know a good restaurant? Rachel. Uh, Paul's Café. They got great food and it's really romantic. Joey: Ooh, great! Thanks! Rachel: Yeah! Oh, and then afterwards you can take her to the Four Seasons for drinks. Or you go downtown and listen to some jazz. Or dancing - Oh! Take her dancing! Joey: You sure are naming a lot of ways to postpone sex, I'll tell ya... Rachel: Ooh, I miss dating. Gettin' all dressed up and going to a fancy restaurant. I'm not gonna be able to do that for so long, and it's so much fun! I mean not that sitting at home worrying about giving birth to a sixteen pound baby is not fun. Joey: Hey, y'know what? Rachel: Huh? Joey: Why don't I take you out? Rachel: What?! Joey, you don't want to go on a date with a pregnant lady. Joey: Yes I do! And we're gonna go out, we're gonna have a good time, and take your mind off of childbirth and c-sections and-and giant baby heads stretching out... Rachel: (interrupting) Okay, okay! I'll go with ya! I'll go! I'll go with ya! Joey: It'll be fun. Rachel: All right? Joey picks Rachel up for their date (Rachel is getting ready for her date with Joey as there is a knock on the door.) Rachel: Joey? Could you get that? (There is no answer and she goes and opens the door to Joey.) What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room? Joey: No, I'm picking you up for our date. These are for you. (Hands her some flowers.) Rachel: Ohh, Lilies. Joey, they're my favorite. Thanks you. Joey: And a brownie! (Hands her a bag with the brownie in it.) Well, half a brownie. Actually, it's just bag. It's been a long walk from the flower shop and I was startin' to feel faint so... Rachel: Oh man! This is so great! I actually feel like I'm going on a real date! Although, I have a hint of moming sickness, and I'm wearing underwear that goes up to about... (she snaps the waistband on her underwear that is just slightly below her breasts) ...there. Joey: Hey come on now, this is a real date. Uh, so...nice place you got here. Foosball, huh? Pizza box. Oh, a subscription to Playboy, my kind of woman. Rachel: Yeah, actually that's my roommate's. Joey: I would like to meet him. He sounds like a stand up guy. Rachel: Ah yes, but he's very protective of me so you'd better watch yourself. Joey: Ah... Hey, so this roommate of yours...is he good looking? Rachel: Hm-mmm Joey: Oh yeah, it must be though to keep your hands of him, huh? Rachel: (laughs) Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he's gay. Joey: No-no-no-no, he's not! No! WHy are you trying to ruin the game? Come on! At the Restaurant Rachel: Now the filet mignon, what comes with that? Waitress: There's a side of steamed vegetables. Rachel: Emmm. Now, instead of the vegetables, is there anyway I can substitute the three-pound lobster? Joey: Y'know what? Bring her both, and I'll have the same. (The waitress leaves.) Rachel: Ooh wow! This is shaping up to be a pretty good date - Oh, I almost forgot. I didn't pay you the rent check. Joey: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, no roommate stuff. Okay? We're on a date. Rachel: Okay. Wow! So I get to see what Joey Tribbiani is like on a date. So do you have any moves? Joey: No! No. Umm, just myself and if they don't like me for... (laughs) I'm sorry I couldn't even get through that. Rachel: (laughs) I knew it! I knew it. Come on tell me your moves. Joey: Oh alright. Umm, well, okay, I usually start by having a bottle of wine sent to my table from a fan. Rachel: Oh my God. And that works?! Joey: Well it does when you combine it with, "This is so embarrassing, I just want to have a normal life!" Rachel: Oh, you poor little famous man. Joey: Oh okay, how about this one. I was gonna wait until the end of the night to kiss you, but you're just so beautiful... I don't think I can. Rachel: (looks interested) Oh my God! Wow! That was fantastic, I almost leaned in. I really almost did! Joey: Really? Alright, so...so tell me one of your moves. Rachel: Alright. So where'd you grow up? Joey: That's your move? Boy Rach, you're lucky you're hot. Rachel: Come on, just answer the question! Joey: (exasperated) Queens. Rachel: And so were-were you close to your parents? Joey: Yeah, with my mom. Yeah, not so much with my dad. Rachel: Why not? Joey: I don't know. I guess there's just always been this distance y'know - I mean we both try to pretend it's not there, but it is. Rachel: (sympathetic) Oh. (Starts rubbing his wrist with her fingers.) It's gotta be rough. Joey: Yeah, it is. It's really tough. Y'know sometimes I think - Wow!! Nice move! Rachel: Huhu? Joey: "here'd you grow up", it's so simple! Rachel: Thanks you! And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the rest room. Joey: Yeah. (Rachel gets up and heads for the rest room.) Rachel: And now you're watching me walk away. Joey: Yes I am! Again so simple! Joey and Rachel's apartement (Joey and Rachel are returning from their date.) Rachel: I am not gonna answer that! Joey: Oh come on! Just pick one! Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Ross if you had to, if you had to, who would you punch? Rachel: No one! They are my friends, I wouldn't punch any of them. Joey: Chandler? Rachel: Yeah, but I don't know why. Look at me, I'm having such a wonderful time! Joey: Me too! Hey Rach, can I just say I think this is the best date I ever had! Rachel: I know! Joey: I never laughed so hard - Did you see the wine come out of my nose? Rachel: Joey, I think everyone saw the wine come out of your nose. Joey: I gotta say, I never knew I could enjoy the non-sex part of the date so much. Rachel: Well that is because you have never been on a date with me before. Joey: Huh. Huh. Rachel: All right, now don't judge me. I normally wait until my date leaves, but you live here. I'm ripping into this swan. Joey: Ah! Okay, well then you don't judge me. I'm gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before. (They both do as they planned.) Rachel: So tell me, what are Joey Tribbiani's end of the night moves? Joey: Ah, well, if I want the girl to kiss me, first thing I do is make my lips look irresistible. Rachel: How do you do that? Joey: Now you can't tell anyone, but uh...I put on shiny lip balm. Rachel: Oh my God! Joey: Yeah, like a moth to a flame, I'm telling ya. Okay all right, so now you go. Rachel: No, I don't want to tell you. Joey: Why not? Rachel: Because it's embarrassing. Joey: More embarrassing than shiny raspberry lip balm? (Rachel just looks at him.) I didn't say raspberry before did I? All right, just-just tell me Rach, just tell me! Rachel: (laughs) Okay. All right, stand up. (They do so) Well, when we're at the door, I lightly press my lips against his and then move into his body just for a second, and then I make this sound, "Hmmm". Okay, I know it doesn't sound like anything, but I swear it works. Joey: (stunned and turned on) Yeah. Why - Yeah, that would work for ya... Rachel: All right, I gotta go to bed. Honey, I had such a wonderful time. Joey: Oh. (She kissed him) Yeah. (She goes into her room). Me too. (He then starts to freak out.) Central Perk (Ross and Rachel are talking together.) (Ross goes to the bathroom as Joey enters.) Joey: Hey! Rachel: Hi! Hey, remember, uhm, last night we were talking about that movie Cujo? Joey: Oh yeah, I still can't believe you haven't seen Cujo. What is wrong with you? Rachel: Relax! It's not like it's Citizen Kane! Joey: Have you ever tried to sit through Citizen Kane? Rachel: Yeah I know it's really boring, but it's like a big deal. Anyway, I was thinking about renting Cujo sometime. Joey: Oh yeah? All right, let's do it tonight. Rachel: Well don't you have that big date tonight? Joey: Oh right! Rachel: Hey Joey, can I ask you something? Joey: Yeah. Rachel: After our date last night, did you feel a little weird? Joey: Oh my God! You did too? It totally freaked me out, what was that?! Rachel: I-I don't know! (Pause) I'm-I'm kinda thinking it-it was the lobster... Joey: Oh yeah-yeah, the lobster. Rachel: Yeah, I mean I was up sick all night. Joey: Yeah me too, all night. Rachel: Really?! How come we didn't cross paths? Joey: Yeah well that's because uh...I stayed in my room. Yeah, you don't want to look in my hamper. Joey and Rachel's apartement (Rachel is watching Cujo while Joey returns from his date scaring Rachel.) Rachel: Oh God!! Thank God you're home! I'm watching Cujo. Joey: (inciedulous) Alone?! Rachel: Yes! But what is wrong with this dog?! Joey: Hey, did you get the part where they're trapped in the car on Cujo's throwin' himself at the windshield? Rachel: No! No! Seriously, what's wrong with the dog?! Wait a minute, what are you doin home so early? Joey: Oh uh, it didn't work out. Rachel: Oh. Do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me? Joey: Oh uh, okay. Yeah. Rachel: Y'know, I never thought I'd say this about a movie, but I really hope this dog dies. (Joey brings over a stool and sits on it next to Rachel who's in the big chair.) What are you doin over there? Come sit here, you protect me. Joey: Oh sure, yeah, why not? (Sits on the arm of the chair.) Rachel: Okay. (Pushes play) Okay, that's him! That's him! That's Cujo! That's Cujo! Joey: All right, I know! I know. Yeha, it'll be okay. Rachel: Oh my God...what's he gonna do now?! I can't watch! (Drags Joey closer to her and cowers into his ches.) Oh. Seriously, how can you watch this? Aren't you scared? Joey: Terrified. (But for a totally different reason.) |
